Day 17: I feel like I am taking crazy pills

So, today was quite a day. I  was literally moments away from having this kind of reaction today. I feel like I am taking crazy pills!



To give you a baby recap-- yesterday I got a phone call of people asking me if I was ok because the apartment right by mine- and yes I mean like 5 feet away was on fire. So, I rushed home and it was the complex in front of mine and the whole street was filled with cop cars and fire trucks. It was craziness!! They were out there for about 5 hours. Luckily no one was hurt, but it was super stressful!

There is an abundance of drama going on with my workplace and job and I am just over all the DRAMA! I like to joke about other people's drama and maintain my reality lovin  status, but I do not want to experience it myself. I don't like to talk about feelings, it makes me uncomfortable. Therefore i just hold it all in and something small sets the waterworks into motion.

Like today, I had a meeting to talk over a project that I have put a lot of work and creativity into. The meeting went so badly that I was rendered speechless. As you know, this does not happen often. I felt heartbroken that my efforts were not being valued and upset that I was called kiddo and verbally had someone pat my head and tell me to go to recess and let the big kids play by someone that i really respected. I am only 24, but I work really hard and put a 110% of myself in these projects. In order to pull this off I have consulted about 50 different websites, brainstormed with others working on these kinds of projects, and tried to think outside the box... to the point of even sketching things out to make sure my vision was clear. I just felt like after all that, my opinions and efforts would at least matter and be respected. So, we conclude the trainwreck of a meeting in stunned silence and I get in the car with my boss to head back to our office and he begins to tell me how well that all went. To which I respond-- Are you on crack? Then I give my take on what happened.  I know that I can be super intense so I try to reign it in, and I think for the most part I did a good job of that. Yes, I was being a little overprotective and yes I realize that rejection is apart of life, but this went beyond that. I kept it together and then walked in the door to tell Nathan about it.

 He spotted the crazy lady flash in my eye and ushered me in and I had a baby tear explosion/ranting. (As a side note: poor lil nathan has exprienced this from me more than once.  I really do appreciate his patience with me) I hate that when I get upset tears come, I try to be so tough, but I am a giant softy and sometimes I cry-its how i am put together.

I bucked up and finished the day with a bang. I think it all has just begun to take its toll on me. It has seemed more lately that I have been yelled at, falsely accused, and belittled so much and I am just exhausted of it,. These situations keep finding me and I am trying to look for the silver lining in it all that has escaped me. Tonight I just feel defeated and tired. I know that tomorrow is another day and I will greet it with a smile, but for now i can't help that I am ready for today to be over with and Wednesday to begin.


How do you deal with disappointment, anger, and frustration?

Well, my darlings I wish you a good nights sleep and lots of love!

ASH